Marcus' Old School Jam of the Week #15: No Doubt by 702

Two weeks without a jam is pretty much like two weeks without water. How did you all survive? Without this vital water, how did you all manage not to beach yourselves like the proverbial whales you are, gasping for phat beatz and color coded ensembles? For those of you who survived, I have what I, and maybe only I, consider to be a lost R&B treasure, chock full of zip codey goodness. No, this isn't an ode to Ruben Studdard's parachute-sized football jerseys, instead it's everyone's favorite second tier girl group, 702.

While most of you probably remember them asking you just exactly where their girls were at (from the front to back) and for singing the theme song to Nickelodeon's Peabody Award winning children's program "Cousin Skeeter" (Where are you Bill Bellamy!? Oh, please stay there), today we will be featuring an obscure 4th single from an already obscure band. Memories will come rushing back for me and only me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cn9yQ3NAzI8 (Sorry, I can not get a link to post. Just copy and paste!)

* First off, these heifers need to sit down. You are at an African mask exhibit and you're ditching out? Children, learn your history. I can see ditching out on, say, an exhibit on Botticelli beauties or Duchamp pee-pee art, but African masks? I say 702 should feel a little bad about teaching other girls like them that dancing in crunchy pleather is more appealing than Afrocentrism. And we know that ain't right.

* Speaking of pleather, let's talk about LeMisha's outfit, shall we? First off, that blue is so devoid of contrast and texture that all I can think of doing is stretching out the fabric and lining a kiddie pool with it Or maybe I'd rake leaves onto it. It also makes me think of rubber sheets, and there's a really good R.Kelly joke in there somewhere, but I'm not going anywhere near that.

* I remember the unfortunate trend of barbed wire tattoos going across the bicep, but I don't remember girls ever running actual piano wire across their midriffs, because that's clearly what's going on here. There also appears to be a sticker of some sort on her face, which probably isn't the greatest place to track the progression of her tan.

* Holy short dress, Irish!!! Oh and look, they gave you the stairway scene! Did you just kick your leg up at us? Girl, your uterus is about to fall out. However, while this dress may have about as much coverage as a dish towel, it's nice knowing she has sneakers on in case a quick getaway is needed. Puh, what type of school is this anyway? SHAKE MY HEAD.

* I'm not ashamed to admit that the pan down at 1:27 is pretty cool

* The terrifying realization that the poor video quality is making it so that Kameelah doesn't have eyeballs (1:30)

* Since I can only bring myself to talk about their clothes, how much do Kameelah's pants remind you of that Zebra chewing gum from days of yore? The three seconds you got of intense fruity flavor was clearly worth a sartorial homage. The zebra's name was Yipes, people. YIPES. If this were 2006, I would totally be looking for a Facebook group right now to express my love for that.

* If anyone is interested, I will be teaching the choreography to this in my basement on Saturday at 2:30.

* If you subbed the blue coat for orange, you'd have the only three colors that I colored with the year this song was out. I distinctly remember once giving a drawing of Betsy Ross a dress with a lime green skirt, a grape bodice and tangerine sleeves. Maybe it was an insult to the woman who gave us our flag, but I can promise you that I'd take a lot more pride in a country with such a fond appreciation for the garish.

* When Kameelah fans herself at 3:06, I am totally willing to forgive them for having Irish sucking on a lollipop at the beginning of the video. Pacifiers and suckers, both popular in the 90s, always seemed like a really creepy attempt at fetishizing children. This could explain why Baby Spice was my least favorite Spice Girl.

* This is the best use of straw I've ever seen in a video.

YOUTUBE COMMENT HIGHLIGHTS:
* "This was back in the day when you didn't have to have a stomach that looked like a tic tack toe board! Ugh, nasty. I love the way their mid section looks in their vids" (True, true)

* GerreiDea: They were like the female immature
MrSexxxy20: YEAH THEY WERE LOL
(If this means anything to any of you, you should I either be my wife or my best man)

R.I.P. to Orish, Irish's sister and one time member of the group, who lost her life to kidney disease in April of last year.

Marcus' Old School Jam of the Week #14: Feenin' by Jodeci

Jodeci, Jodeci, Jodeci. I have to admit I have a 90s R&B blind spot. I mean, they were broken up by the time I was in second grade, and at that point in my life I would have been scared off by their intimidating bad boy theatrics and into the safe and cozy comforts of Boyz II Men anyway. After all, Jodeci were the bad boys of R&B, whether it was the rumors of drug abuse, the threats to leave Uptown for Death Row, or K-Ci and Mary J. Blige's infamous abusive relationship. Frankly, I was too young for that much drama. I much preferred completely missing all the references to prostitution and casual sex on "CrazySexyCool" at that time, anyway.

However, I do remember "Feenin'," since I seem recall the lunch hour DJ at KDWB being mildly obsessed with it, even as late as 1998. Looking at this from a historical point of view, I think this is where the love affair between me and vocorders began. And we all know that's a relationship built on a solid foundation of everlasting wonderment and respect. On to the show!



Things to Note:

* Let's make some apologies first. I'm sorry for the opening. I wish we could just ignore Snoop Dogg, the weed smoke, the malt liquor, and the derogatory female slang. This is not "Ain't Nothing But a G-Thang," people. My mother is reading this.

* However, I am not apologizing for the third (!) part (AKA: The instrument destruction) of the intro since:
a) it shows that Jodeci was actually a BAND
and
b) it further validates my theory that kicking over drum sets and smashing guitars automatically makes one look as foolish as they do when they attempt to run with a backpack on.

* I know what you're all thinking: N'Sync totally jacked this concept, right? However, instead of prancing around in silk pajamas and pining over Amber from "Clueless," Jodeci are dealing with electric chairs and disturbing sadomasochistic visions. And I really don't think JC Chasez ever had to deal with Kim "Diddy's Baby Mama" Porter appearing as if from ETHER to haunt him, either. They suffer hard.

* I think head tremors and male R&B singers are mutually exclusive. I would like to have a directed study on this.

*I am a little uncomfortable that the prison code "8466-Feenin'" may be trying to draw an allusion to Nelson Mandela's own "46664" code. As much as I recognize that this girl has them feenin' worse than drugs, I am still unwilling to equate their strife with apartheid. But I COULD be convinced.

* 2:10 "I don't want ma damn breakfast!"

* I am actually highly disturbed by the guy at 4:00 with the pacifier in his mouth. I think he is the same guy in Busta Rhymes "Put Your Hands Where My Eyes Could See" video who is painted in glow in the dark green and puffs his cheeks at the end. LITERALLY QUITE TERRIFYING.

* On the other hand, I find the dance between 2:19 to 2:24 to be a hauntingly chilling portrait of mental illness. Or maybe I just think it's funny.

* I appreciate that despite being in an insane asylum, they still find the time to harmonize around a piano. Even if they are flanked by an overweight man in a diaper and a nurse being attacked. I would like to see Boyz II Men or Al B. Sure attempt that.

*Did you know that being electrocuted brings you into an alternate reality populated by wildflowers and upside down women in leather dresses? They left that part out of "The Green Mile."

* 4:50 speaks for itself, doesn't it?

and now, some YOUTUBE COMMENT HIGHLIGHTS:

"Is devante eyes brown, if anybody know can you please send me a message. " (2 years later, and this girl has not gotten her answer.) :(

"sometimes I think of life as a video game...when you die you start over to the beginng...and sometimes I think if I die then I would be born again...then it will be the 90'z again...but I'm just crazy" (SCREENPLAY IDEA!!!!!)

Marcus' Old School Jam of the Week Season 2: My Name Is Not Susan by Whitney Houston

Originally posted September 29th, 2009

Well look at this, we've made it to Season 2. By those standards, we can actually say we've done better than such classics as "Freaks and Geeks" and "My So Called Life," which just goes to show the level of excellence on display here. Except this isn't a poignant teen drama, instead, this is just plain and utter ridiculousness. Hopefully you missed it as much as I have.

Speaking of insanity, what better place to start then than Whitney "MyLand/ThatsBlackLove/CrackIsWack" Houston? If you've been watching Wendy Williams (and really, who hasn't?), surely you know that Whitney went and pulled a Mary, called "no more drama", ditched Bobby "Humpin' Around" Brown, AND released an album in the process. While Whitney's new album may be called "I Look to You," I think we should all look to our computer screens and see the weird footnote in the Prom Queen of Soul's canon that is "My Name Is Not Susan."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vTY8IWwPjRw

Things to Note:

* First things first, you can tell this is a Whitney video from 1989 because once "The Bodyguard" came along, Whitney somehow managed the impossible feat of never moving her feet in a video again. I wanted to feature "Exhale (Shoop Shoop)" since I think it is one of the best R&B songs of the 90s and possibly the only Whitney song I would dare call "restrained," however the video is literally just a close-up of her face with clips from "Waiting to Exhale" interjected for 3 and a half minutes. In her new one, she's sitting on a concrete block and pointing upwards a lot. If she had recorded it in the 90s, it would have been called "I Wanna Stand Still With Somebody (Who Loves Me)."

* I know this is the late 80s, but Susan? Really? Was "My Name is Not Eunice" already being recorded by Taylor Dane?

* Whoever this Susan is, she is certainly not Whitney.

* I feel bad for Whitney here, I really do. You see, she's not the superstar diva this Martin Diamond character thinks she is. She's just a city girl who likes sitting on stoops, singing into mirrors while wearing baseball caps, and who is far too busy to latch both of her overall hooks closed. So really, don't try and make her wear blond wigs or try to buy her dresses made out of anything other than cotton (did you notice the fine cotton growers of America sponsored this video on YouTube!?!), because this is a woman who can arrange her own flowers and one who appears to be allergic to gaudy costume jewelry. As she says so brazenly, show some respect why don't you. On that note, she never should have trusted a man in a mustard sport coat and matching shorts. I'm prepared to call this a draw.

* Ok Whitney, you're not fooling anyone. We're all well aware that that's not you dancing behind Monie Love. Why are you trying?

* Speaking of Monie Love, that haircut has to be one of the most heinous things I've ever seen in my life. Or maybe she just grew up and became Chandra Wilson from "Grey's Anatomy?"

* At moments like the one at 2:45, we bow our heads and thank the Lord for hot glue guns.

* The moment subtitled "Susan's Party" just looks like her and some dude sitting on a park bench. Poor Susan!

* I really don't want to eat at Nippy's Cuisine. I don't know where that nickname for Whitney came from other than that it was given to her by Dionne Warwick, but I hope it didn't have anything to do will crisp fall days in Newark.

* How many viewings did it take you to realize it was Blair Underwood? 3 for me!!!!

* Which ever one you are, please don't watch me sleep.

YouTube Comment Highlights!:

* "I used to love this song so much I rode in the streets on my bike with my headphones on and a car ran over me. Still love it lol"

If your name is indeed Susan and want to sing/rap to this song, just subsitute (sic) the lyric "Susan" for "Whitney".

That last one was helpful.

Marcus' Old School Jam of the Week Special: Michael Jackson - Stranger In Moscow

Originally posted July 8th, 2009

It's taken a bit of time to process the sudden death of Michael Jackson. Like nearly everyone else in the world, I've found myself unexpectedly shaken in the wake of of his passing, at once surprised by my own veritable grief and by the realization that this was a man whom I always loved and that I wasn't even aware of it. Even though I was born well after the height of Thriller and well into a tabloid culture that was more than willing to paint him as a sideshow freak (whoever made up the rumor about him wanting to purchase the Elephant Man's bones must have been painfully self-aware), Michael's videos, music, and yes, even his public eccentricities were always very much a part of my childhood. Whether it was standing just inches away from the TV screen when the bizarrely controversial "Black or White" video premiered, or just listening to "Human Nature" on hours of repeat while playing video games in my room, Michael was always there and I was happy to have him, even if I didn't know it at the time. Now he's gone, and it's painfully clear. To say it's cliche that a little piece of childhood died along with him on June 25th is correct, however it's easy to forget how much of a fixture he was in the press during my formative pop-culture gathering years. That the world can keep on going without our de jure King of Entertainment isn't as much sad as it is completely jarring.

What ended up being Michael's twilight years were undoubtably marked in sadness. As obnoxiously tempting as it is to play armchair psychologist with Michael's own neurosis and personality quirks, it is nearly impossible not to, especially as his entire life was played out in front of the world's largest microscope. I really thought about his life the day after he passed while walking home from worked and I was moved to tears when I really thought about how I couldn't think of how any other person could be more alone than he must have felt for the majority of his life. To attain the level of stardom that he had meant that he existed on a plane that was unfathomable to even those alongside him in Hollywood - that his fame and his own changing appearance started propelling him into a realm that no longer had any semblance to anything tangible or concrete. Our own ability to poke fun at him without remorse, even as his life got worse and worse, arose from the fact that it was difficult to even look at him as human.

Since his passing, that's all changed. While much of his life will remain cloudy and difficult to understand or to begin justifying, we're finally starting to see him as the deeply wounded man he was. Not just as the unequivocal entertainer for now and forever, but as a caring father, a loving brother, a purveyor of human rights, and as a damaged and wandering soul always in search of the very reckless abandon that evaded him his entire life. That we, or maybe just me, didn't see it all along when it was so clearly stated in his lyrics - particularly in the righteous anger and wounded self-reflection of the woefully underappreciated "HIStory" - is beyond me. Whether he was heartbreakingly asking that "before you judge me, try hard to love me" on "Childhood" or simply asking if he'd have a friend on "Will You Be There," Michael always had his heart on his sleeve, displaying an almost shocking amount of vulnerability for a man who must have known his words would be twisted, mocked and dismissed almost instantly.

Early on I had selected "Remember the Time" as the video I wanted to highlight here, as it was the song most fitting with the genre I've featured in these notes. However, the more I listened to "Stranger in Moscow," arguably the finest song of Jackson's career, I decided it was the most appropriate, and the most fitting to sum up his entire career. Jackson's life was the modern American Tragedy. That a man as sincere and delicate as he was could reach an unthinkable level of success, world recognition and adoration and yet still feel completely alone and unloved and justifiably attacked, is too upsetting for words. I really wish he knew how much so many of us loved him. We were there all along and sadly it took us losing him for us to understand that.

Gone Too Soon
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfZz-q8CRLE

Marcus' Old School Jam of the Week #11 : Don't Leave Me by Blackstreet

Originally posted May 12th, 2009

Oh crap. I'm late again, aren't I? Forgive me, I was on a boat and at an endless supply of events in which I was required to wear dress shoes all weekend. But the important thing is, this OSJOTW (it took me this long to acronym that ish up? It looks like some type of Norwegian candy) is in honor of my sister's BIRTHDAY! I broke all my rules and took a request in honor of her greatness. Lucky for me, and us all really, she chose one I was bound to feature anyway. We all know No Diggity, but do we all know "Don't Leave Me?" If you're cool you do. Blackstreet>Backstreet, btw.




Things to Note:

*First off, can we just clutch our pearls and sigh a little at that Vh1 logo? Dare I say vintage? If I see the old "Back 2 Back" logo I might just start a candlelight vigil.

* Hey, listen! A talk box! As much as I love the instrument and still hold out hope that one day I will have one in all its tubular glory, I still find it quite funny when artists lip sync to them without irony as if we all don't notice that they're making noises not humanly possible. Robots are as right as rain. In a perfect world.

* All white outfits are the cornerstone of 90s R&B. Those and that water drippy noise in that one Boyz II Men song. Without them, I doubt we would have ever advanced as a collective society. I particularly like the dance move being done in them at 20 seconds. I will try the twirl and hesitant push next time there is a rug to cut.

* Contrary to what you may have heard from her in the third grade, the boys of Blackstreet are NOT Megan's adopted brothers. At least not all 4 of them.

* I feel like "Ghost in the Mixing Room" could have been a good "Goosebumps" title.

* Remember that newspaper ad the Spice Girls answered to get into the group? I feel like a similar ad for a 90s male R&B group would have had the following questions
1. Can you harmonize?
2. Can you feel comfortable wearing oversized denim jackets?
3. Can you convincingly pine over a photo of a lost loved one?
If you say yes to all three, we will be in contact.

* I always thought the shift from slightly boring studio scenes to an elaborate polaroid tower was a bit abrupt. They wisely wait until the harmonica solo to release its fully glory.


* On that note, I'm glad this concept was done now. If it were done today it would probably be a tower of iPhones or BluRay cases.

* I count more than 4 people helping build this thing. Is there slave labor? Why no mention of the lives surely lost in the collapse? They made a wonderful effigy of love and I think they should be recognized. I mean, we know from 3:15 that it was a rough pursuit to the top.

Pictures last forever, and so does Blackstreet. Except when they did that song with Janet Jackson.

Marcus' Old School Jam of the Week #10 - Right Here by SWV

Originally posted May 1st, 2009

Sometimes I wish there was a way to capitalize numbers because I surely would have put some emphasis on TEN. It's our anniversary! Maybe it isn't 1000 episodes like Ellen just had today, but gosh dangit, I'm proud. To honor this not-so-big-but-sorta-big-anyway occasion, I am going back to my roots and once again featuring SWV. Sorry everyone, but for me they are R&B royalty and have about 12 videos I want to feature at some point and will probably just make every tenth milestone one by them. I feel it is my duty to indoctrinate the world to the sounds of SWV, because in a land without musical snobbery and "sure-thing" selections, SWV would totally be my favorite girl group of all time (SUCK IT SUPREMES). Let's watch!



Things to Note:

* The Opening Scene: So...much...happening. Was someone called Teeroni? Is that a nickname I could have been calling Taj all these years? Whoever says "sing it to 'em Coko" clearly has stolen Beyonce's speaking voice, and I believe Taj is the one wearing a hat with a PROPELLER on it. Also, what was one of them doing on the ground? Marbles? Jacks? Picking at an ant hill with a stick? I NEED TO KNOW

*HAHAHA at :18. What does one do at a SWV traffic sign? Maybe it's like those signs that warn you when there's a deaf child in the area or a deer crossing area: "Warning! Watch out for dancing women in oversized hockey and baseball jerseys with bustier bras?" Or maybe it just means "stop and be awesome"

* Ooh, Coko. That leg raise over the motorcycle at :30 seconds surely could have been a bit more ladylike. It's like a Nenah Cherry Buffalo Stance (note to self: make that a jam)

* I love the expressions of pure wonderment and awe when they are looking at the moving photos being developed. It is the same look I had when I saw their hair in that scene.

* I still haven't figured out if they are singing into a broken mirror or a bunch of spiderwebs throughout this thing (like at :34)



*HAHA at :55 seconds! Really, no words. Except thank you Lord.

* There is a very tender moment involving a cookie. I like that it is clearly presented to the camera and that her man clearly finds nothing strange about being tapped on the shoulder by a woman with a cookie in her mouth. I know I wouldn't.


* I like that during the scene with the telescope, someone off camera clearly hit the patio lights with their hand. Probably while doing the same dance move seen at 55 seconds.

*Am I wrong when saying that Taj looks totally cute at 2:26? Somehow the jagged bang ponytail and the circus tent overalls are working in a major way. Her rap is also amazing. Plus, she is killing them on Survivor right now. Unless some horrible unforeseen blindside happens, there is no way she's not making the final four.

*OMG Pause it at :40 seconds and realize that there is a leg sticking straight up in the air in the background. What's happening!?!

*The mildly terrifying moment at 3:00 when all the members are back to the expressionless lip syncing with faces so dead you feel as if they will surely be coming for your soul. You see!? They toasted for your blood.

*No, I really don't get the part with the girl and the lamp either. I fail to see where that moment is reprised anywhere else in the video. But who cares!? YELLOW SNEAKERS!

This entry really didn't amount to anything more than me just poking my finger at different scenes. Sometimes videos speak for themselves. And no, just because I featured this one does not mean I won't someday feature the Human Nature Remix of the song. It has a Michael Jackson sample and a video where they stumble around some rocks in riding clothes with a band behind them. SHOCKINGLY QUITE INSPIRED.

Marcus' Old School Jam of the Week #9: Lately by Divine

Originally posted April 24th, 2009

The Tony Rich Project left us all heart-broken, desolate and lost the way we all so often get. I'm afraid this week's jam probably won't lift your spirits that much more, but it does do it in a way that's undeniably a bit more summer-y. I'm sure you all remember Divine, a group that sadly only had one hit song in 1998. Their faces may not have been memorable any more than the members of Allure's may have been, but their song certainly was. The power of love is here and it is being channeled through "Lately."



Things to Note:

* OMGEEZY the bayou! Bayous are my favorite! Halfway through the video I noticed the YouTube description says it was inspired by Eve's Bayou which is totally one of my favorite movies ever. If you're ever interested in seeing Samuel L. Jackson play something besides a parody of himself, I suggest you Netflix that shiz this instant. Anyways, I think the video could have used some voodoo, but then again, I love a cliche.

*So the outfits. Yeah I know. I mean, they aren't sheer shirt bad, but they're pretty bad nonetheless. Pageboy hats, baggy overalls, feather boas, ties, butterfly hair clips, white gloves and bucket hats all make appearances in such a short amount of time. It reminds me of those "Barbie Closet" video games where you make an outfit for Barbie out of a virtual closet and it all ends up going to hell because the rule about taking off the last accessory you added or any sense of modesty has no place within computerized wardrobes.

*ANECDOTE TIME! So the girl has the side buns happening. That's cool I guess. But it reminds me of a hilarious thing that happened to me on campus this week. Right as I was going down the stairs at Northrop, a girl was meeting her boyfriend and had hair just like that. She greeted him with a joking "Sup playa!" and he responded "Sup Scary Spice" on account of her hair. I had no other choice but to laugh because it was dead on. She responded with a "Scary Spice? Really!?" and the guy, noticing my chuckle, points at me and goes "He liked it!" to which I turned my head back and said "He did get you." Laughs were had and people proved to be wonderful.

* So, um, did I do this choreography or something? It's slightly below "Little girls in their bedrooms" quality. Hand on heart, side to side, sway the arms, bob the knees and we're done! I admire the brevity as much as I admire the flower hair wreaths, which is to say A LOT.

*The little love story is beautiful for the sole reason that parts involve children running in black and white. AUTOMATICALLY TOUCHING. There doesn't seem to be much of a plot that I see, other than that they are separated at some point, but part of it takes place at a plantation so I am pleased beyond reasonable capacity.

* If they own a plantation and a gin house of some sorts, why does he drive away in a station wagon?

* Does anyone else think that Charlize/Keanu movie "Sweet November" got its name from this song? I know I do. Not to be confused with "Autumn in New York." BOTH MASTERPIECES.

* When I listen to this song on Last.fm, I sadly get a picture of Divine of "Pink Flamingos" fame instead of a photo of the group. I really don't think any of the members of this group were overweight drag queens who ate dog poo on camera. But then again, I don't know a lot about this group.

* This song is brilliant because every single verse sounds like it could be the song's climax. When the actual bridge hits though, it chooses to go subtle and fragile with harmonies instead of with a full on glory note, leading to the best acappella chorus in history or at least of what I can think of at this moment. LITERALLY QUITE AMAZING.

*The picnic scene at 3:26 and then the cut right after it is honestly one of my favorite music video moments ever. I don't know why, but it so strange to me. Out of nowhere it feels like a Spanish-language soap opera. Watch it 12 times like me for full effect.

I'll leave it someone else to make a mean comment about the gap tooth.



This picture is squished. Just like my heart.