Two weeks without a jam is pretty much like two weeks without water. How did you all survive? Without this vital water, how did you all manage not to beach yourselves like the proverbial whales you are, gasping for phat beatz and color coded ensembles? For those of you who survived, I have what I, and maybe only I, consider to be a lost R&B treasure, chock full of zip codey goodness. No, this isn't an ode to Ruben Studdard's parachute-sized football jerseys, instead it's everyone's favorite second tier girl group, 702.
While most of you probably remember them asking you just exactly where their girls were at (from the front to back) and for singing the theme song to Nickelodeon's Peabody Award winning children's program "Cousin Skeeter" (Where are you Bill Bellamy!? Oh, please stay there), today we will be featuring an obscure 4th single from an already obscure band. Memories will come rushing back for me and only me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cn9yQ3NAzI8 (Sorry, I can not get a link to post. Just copy and paste!)
* First off, these heifers need to sit down. You are at an African mask exhibit and you're ditching out? Children, learn your history. I can see ditching out on, say, an exhibit on Botticelli beauties or Duchamp pee-pee art, but African masks? I say 702 should feel a little bad about teaching other girls like them that dancing in crunchy pleather is more appealing than Afrocentrism. And we know that ain't right.
* Speaking of pleather, let's talk about LeMisha's outfit, shall we? First off, that blue is so devoid of contrast and texture that all I can think of doing is stretching out the fabric and lining a kiddie pool with it Or maybe I'd rake leaves onto it. It also makes me think of rubber sheets, and there's a really good R.Kelly joke in there somewhere, but I'm not going anywhere near that.
* I remember the unfortunate trend of barbed wire tattoos going across the bicep, but I don't remember girls ever running actual piano wire across their midriffs, because that's clearly what's going on here. There also appears to be a sticker of some sort on her face, which probably isn't the greatest place to track the progression of her tan.
* Holy short dress, Irish!!! Oh and look, they gave you the stairway scene! Did you just kick your leg up at us? Girl, your uterus is about to fall out. However, while this dress may have about as much coverage as a dish towel, it's nice knowing she has sneakers on in case a quick getaway is needed. Puh, what type of school is this anyway? SHAKE MY HEAD.
* I'm not ashamed to admit that the pan down at 1:27 is pretty cool
* The terrifying realization that the poor video quality is making it so that Kameelah doesn't have eyeballs (1:30)
* Since I can only bring myself to talk about their clothes, how much do Kameelah's pants remind you of that Zebra chewing gum from days of yore? The three seconds you got of intense fruity flavor was clearly worth a sartorial homage. The zebra's name was Yipes, people. YIPES. If this were 2006, I would totally be looking for a Facebook group right now to express my love for that.
* If anyone is interested, I will be teaching the choreography to this in my basement on Saturday at 2:30.
* If you subbed the blue coat for orange, you'd have the only three colors that I colored with the year this song was out. I distinctly remember once giving a drawing of Betsy Ross a dress with a lime green skirt, a grape bodice and tangerine sleeves. Maybe it was an insult to the woman who gave us our flag, but I can promise you that I'd take a lot more pride in a country with such a fond appreciation for the garish.
* When Kameelah fans herself at 3:06, I am totally willing to forgive them for having Irish sucking on a lollipop at the beginning of the video. Pacifiers and suckers, both popular in the 90s, always seemed like a really creepy attempt at fetishizing children. This could explain why Baby Spice was my least favorite Spice Girl.
* This is the best use of straw I've ever seen in a video.
YOUTUBE COMMENT HIGHLIGHTS:
* "This was back in the day when you didn't have to have a stomach that looked like a tic tack toe board! Ugh, nasty. I love the way their mid section looks in their vids" (True, true)
* GerreiDea: They were like the female immature
MrSexxxy20: YEAH THEY WERE LOL
(If this means anything to any of you, you should I either be my wife or my best man)
R.I.P. to Orish, Irish's sister and one time member of the group, who lost her life to kidney disease in April of last year.
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