Marcus' Old School Jam of the Week #15: No Doubt by 702

Two weeks without a jam is pretty much like two weeks without water. How did you all survive? Without this vital water, how did you all manage not to beach yourselves like the proverbial whales you are, gasping for phat beatz and color coded ensembles? For those of you who survived, I have what I, and maybe only I, consider to be a lost R&B treasure, chock full of zip codey goodness. No, this isn't an ode to Ruben Studdard's parachute-sized football jerseys, instead it's everyone's favorite second tier girl group, 702.

While most of you probably remember them asking you just exactly where their girls were at (from the front to back) and for singing the theme song to Nickelodeon's Peabody Award winning children's program "Cousin Skeeter" (Where are you Bill Bellamy!? Oh, please stay there), today we will be featuring an obscure 4th single from an already obscure band. Memories will come rushing back for me and only me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cn9yQ3NAzI8 (Sorry, I can not get a link to post. Just copy and paste!)

* First off, these heifers need to sit down. You are at an African mask exhibit and you're ditching out? Children, learn your history. I can see ditching out on, say, an exhibit on Botticelli beauties or Duchamp pee-pee art, but African masks? I say 702 should feel a little bad about teaching other girls like them that dancing in crunchy pleather is more appealing than Afrocentrism. And we know that ain't right.

* Speaking of pleather, let's talk about LeMisha's outfit, shall we? First off, that blue is so devoid of contrast and texture that all I can think of doing is stretching out the fabric and lining a kiddie pool with it Or maybe I'd rake leaves onto it. It also makes me think of rubber sheets, and there's a really good R.Kelly joke in there somewhere, but I'm not going anywhere near that.

* I remember the unfortunate trend of barbed wire tattoos going across the bicep, but I don't remember girls ever running actual piano wire across their midriffs, because that's clearly what's going on here. There also appears to be a sticker of some sort on her face, which probably isn't the greatest place to track the progression of her tan.

* Holy short dress, Irish!!! Oh and look, they gave you the stairway scene! Did you just kick your leg up at us? Girl, your uterus is about to fall out. However, while this dress may have about as much coverage as a dish towel, it's nice knowing she has sneakers on in case a quick getaway is needed. Puh, what type of school is this anyway? SHAKE MY HEAD.

* I'm not ashamed to admit that the pan down at 1:27 is pretty cool

* The terrifying realization that the poor video quality is making it so that Kameelah doesn't have eyeballs (1:30)

* Since I can only bring myself to talk about their clothes, how much do Kameelah's pants remind you of that Zebra chewing gum from days of yore? The three seconds you got of intense fruity flavor was clearly worth a sartorial homage. The zebra's name was Yipes, people. YIPES. If this were 2006, I would totally be looking for a Facebook group right now to express my love for that.

* If anyone is interested, I will be teaching the choreography to this in my basement on Saturday at 2:30.

* If you subbed the blue coat for orange, you'd have the only three colors that I colored with the year this song was out. I distinctly remember once giving a drawing of Betsy Ross a dress with a lime green skirt, a grape bodice and tangerine sleeves. Maybe it was an insult to the woman who gave us our flag, but I can promise you that I'd take a lot more pride in a country with such a fond appreciation for the garish.

* When Kameelah fans herself at 3:06, I am totally willing to forgive them for having Irish sucking on a lollipop at the beginning of the video. Pacifiers and suckers, both popular in the 90s, always seemed like a really creepy attempt at fetishizing children. This could explain why Baby Spice was my least favorite Spice Girl.

* This is the best use of straw I've ever seen in a video.

YOUTUBE COMMENT HIGHLIGHTS:
* "This was back in the day when you didn't have to have a stomach that looked like a tic tack toe board! Ugh, nasty. I love the way their mid section looks in their vids" (True, true)

* GerreiDea: They were like the female immature
MrSexxxy20: YEAH THEY WERE LOL
(If this means anything to any of you, you should I either be my wife or my best man)

R.I.P. to Orish, Irish's sister and one time member of the group, who lost her life to kidney disease in April of last year.

Marcus' Old School Jam of the Week #14: Feenin' by Jodeci

Jodeci, Jodeci, Jodeci. I have to admit I have a 90s R&B blind spot. I mean, they were broken up by the time I was in second grade, and at that point in my life I would have been scared off by their intimidating bad boy theatrics and into the safe and cozy comforts of Boyz II Men anyway. After all, Jodeci were the bad boys of R&B, whether it was the rumors of drug abuse, the threats to leave Uptown for Death Row, or K-Ci and Mary J. Blige's infamous abusive relationship. Frankly, I was too young for that much drama. I much preferred completely missing all the references to prostitution and casual sex on "CrazySexyCool" at that time, anyway.

However, I do remember "Feenin'," since I seem recall the lunch hour DJ at KDWB being mildly obsessed with it, even as late as 1998. Looking at this from a historical point of view, I think this is where the love affair between me and vocorders began. And we all know that's a relationship built on a solid foundation of everlasting wonderment and respect. On to the show!



Things to Note:

* Let's make some apologies first. I'm sorry for the opening. I wish we could just ignore Snoop Dogg, the weed smoke, the malt liquor, and the derogatory female slang. This is not "Ain't Nothing But a G-Thang," people. My mother is reading this.

* However, I am not apologizing for the third (!) part (AKA: The instrument destruction) of the intro since:
a) it shows that Jodeci was actually a BAND
and
b) it further validates my theory that kicking over drum sets and smashing guitars automatically makes one look as foolish as they do when they attempt to run with a backpack on.

* I know what you're all thinking: N'Sync totally jacked this concept, right? However, instead of prancing around in silk pajamas and pining over Amber from "Clueless," Jodeci are dealing with electric chairs and disturbing sadomasochistic visions. And I really don't think JC Chasez ever had to deal with Kim "Diddy's Baby Mama" Porter appearing as if from ETHER to haunt him, either. They suffer hard.

* I think head tremors and male R&B singers are mutually exclusive. I would like to have a directed study on this.

*I am a little uncomfortable that the prison code "8466-Feenin'" may be trying to draw an allusion to Nelson Mandela's own "46664" code. As much as I recognize that this girl has them feenin' worse than drugs, I am still unwilling to equate their strife with apartheid. But I COULD be convinced.

* 2:10 "I don't want ma damn breakfast!"

* I am actually highly disturbed by the guy at 4:00 with the pacifier in his mouth. I think he is the same guy in Busta Rhymes "Put Your Hands Where My Eyes Could See" video who is painted in glow in the dark green and puffs his cheeks at the end. LITERALLY QUITE TERRIFYING.

* On the other hand, I find the dance between 2:19 to 2:24 to be a hauntingly chilling portrait of mental illness. Or maybe I just think it's funny.

* I appreciate that despite being in an insane asylum, they still find the time to harmonize around a piano. Even if they are flanked by an overweight man in a diaper and a nurse being attacked. I would like to see Boyz II Men or Al B. Sure attempt that.

*Did you know that being electrocuted brings you into an alternate reality populated by wildflowers and upside down women in leather dresses? They left that part out of "The Green Mile."

* 4:50 speaks for itself, doesn't it?

and now, some YOUTUBE COMMENT HIGHLIGHTS:

"Is devante eyes brown, if anybody know can you please send me a message. " (2 years later, and this girl has not gotten her answer.) :(

"sometimes I think of life as a video game...when you die you start over to the beginng...and sometimes I think if I die then I would be born again...then it will be the 90'z again...but I'm just crazy" (SCREENPLAY IDEA!!!!!)

Marcus' Old School Jam of the Week Season 2: My Name Is Not Susan by Whitney Houston

Originally posted September 29th, 2009

Well look at this, we've made it to Season 2. By those standards, we can actually say we've done better than such classics as "Freaks and Geeks" and "My So Called Life," which just goes to show the level of excellence on display here. Except this isn't a poignant teen drama, instead, this is just plain and utter ridiculousness. Hopefully you missed it as much as I have.

Speaking of insanity, what better place to start then than Whitney "MyLand/ThatsBlackLove/CrackIsWack" Houston? If you've been watching Wendy Williams (and really, who hasn't?), surely you know that Whitney went and pulled a Mary, called "no more drama", ditched Bobby "Humpin' Around" Brown, AND released an album in the process. While Whitney's new album may be called "I Look to You," I think we should all look to our computer screens and see the weird footnote in the Prom Queen of Soul's canon that is "My Name Is Not Susan."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vTY8IWwPjRw

Things to Note:

* First things first, you can tell this is a Whitney video from 1989 because once "The Bodyguard" came along, Whitney somehow managed the impossible feat of never moving her feet in a video again. I wanted to feature "Exhale (Shoop Shoop)" since I think it is one of the best R&B songs of the 90s and possibly the only Whitney song I would dare call "restrained," however the video is literally just a close-up of her face with clips from "Waiting to Exhale" interjected for 3 and a half minutes. In her new one, she's sitting on a concrete block and pointing upwards a lot. If she had recorded it in the 90s, it would have been called "I Wanna Stand Still With Somebody (Who Loves Me)."

* I know this is the late 80s, but Susan? Really? Was "My Name is Not Eunice" already being recorded by Taylor Dane?

* Whoever this Susan is, she is certainly not Whitney.

* I feel bad for Whitney here, I really do. You see, she's not the superstar diva this Martin Diamond character thinks she is. She's just a city girl who likes sitting on stoops, singing into mirrors while wearing baseball caps, and who is far too busy to latch both of her overall hooks closed. So really, don't try and make her wear blond wigs or try to buy her dresses made out of anything other than cotton (did you notice the fine cotton growers of America sponsored this video on YouTube!?!), because this is a woman who can arrange her own flowers and one who appears to be allergic to gaudy costume jewelry. As she says so brazenly, show some respect why don't you. On that note, she never should have trusted a man in a mustard sport coat and matching shorts. I'm prepared to call this a draw.

* Ok Whitney, you're not fooling anyone. We're all well aware that that's not you dancing behind Monie Love. Why are you trying?

* Speaking of Monie Love, that haircut has to be one of the most heinous things I've ever seen in my life. Or maybe she just grew up and became Chandra Wilson from "Grey's Anatomy?"

* At moments like the one at 2:45, we bow our heads and thank the Lord for hot glue guns.

* The moment subtitled "Susan's Party" just looks like her and some dude sitting on a park bench. Poor Susan!

* I really don't want to eat at Nippy's Cuisine. I don't know where that nickname for Whitney came from other than that it was given to her by Dionne Warwick, but I hope it didn't have anything to do will crisp fall days in Newark.

* How many viewings did it take you to realize it was Blair Underwood? 3 for me!!!!

* Which ever one you are, please don't watch me sleep.

YouTube Comment Highlights!:

* "I used to love this song so much I rode in the streets on my bike with my headphones on and a car ran over me. Still love it lol"

If your name is indeed Susan and want to sing/rap to this song, just subsitute (sic) the lyric "Susan" for "Whitney".

That last one was helpful.

Marcus' Old School Jam of the Week Special: Michael Jackson - Stranger In Moscow

Originally posted July 8th, 2009

It's taken a bit of time to process the sudden death of Michael Jackson. Like nearly everyone else in the world, I've found myself unexpectedly shaken in the wake of of his passing, at once surprised by my own veritable grief and by the realization that this was a man whom I always loved and that I wasn't even aware of it. Even though I was born well after the height of Thriller and well into a tabloid culture that was more than willing to paint him as a sideshow freak (whoever made up the rumor about him wanting to purchase the Elephant Man's bones must have been painfully self-aware), Michael's videos, music, and yes, even his public eccentricities were always very much a part of my childhood. Whether it was standing just inches away from the TV screen when the bizarrely controversial "Black or White" video premiered, or just listening to "Human Nature" on hours of repeat while playing video games in my room, Michael was always there and I was happy to have him, even if I didn't know it at the time. Now he's gone, and it's painfully clear. To say it's cliche that a little piece of childhood died along with him on June 25th is correct, however it's easy to forget how much of a fixture he was in the press during my formative pop-culture gathering years. That the world can keep on going without our de jure King of Entertainment isn't as much sad as it is completely jarring.

What ended up being Michael's twilight years were undoubtably marked in sadness. As obnoxiously tempting as it is to play armchair psychologist with Michael's own neurosis and personality quirks, it is nearly impossible not to, especially as his entire life was played out in front of the world's largest microscope. I really thought about his life the day after he passed while walking home from worked and I was moved to tears when I really thought about how I couldn't think of how any other person could be more alone than he must have felt for the majority of his life. To attain the level of stardom that he had meant that he existed on a plane that was unfathomable to even those alongside him in Hollywood - that his fame and his own changing appearance started propelling him into a realm that no longer had any semblance to anything tangible or concrete. Our own ability to poke fun at him without remorse, even as his life got worse and worse, arose from the fact that it was difficult to even look at him as human.

Since his passing, that's all changed. While much of his life will remain cloudy and difficult to understand or to begin justifying, we're finally starting to see him as the deeply wounded man he was. Not just as the unequivocal entertainer for now and forever, but as a caring father, a loving brother, a purveyor of human rights, and as a damaged and wandering soul always in search of the very reckless abandon that evaded him his entire life. That we, or maybe just me, didn't see it all along when it was so clearly stated in his lyrics - particularly in the righteous anger and wounded self-reflection of the woefully underappreciated "HIStory" - is beyond me. Whether he was heartbreakingly asking that "before you judge me, try hard to love me" on "Childhood" or simply asking if he'd have a friend on "Will You Be There," Michael always had his heart on his sleeve, displaying an almost shocking amount of vulnerability for a man who must have known his words would be twisted, mocked and dismissed almost instantly.

Early on I had selected "Remember the Time" as the video I wanted to highlight here, as it was the song most fitting with the genre I've featured in these notes. However, the more I listened to "Stranger in Moscow," arguably the finest song of Jackson's career, I decided it was the most appropriate, and the most fitting to sum up his entire career. Jackson's life was the modern American Tragedy. That a man as sincere and delicate as he was could reach an unthinkable level of success, world recognition and adoration and yet still feel completely alone and unloved and justifiably attacked, is too upsetting for words. I really wish he knew how much so many of us loved him. We were there all along and sadly it took us losing him for us to understand that.

Gone Too Soon
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfZz-q8CRLE

Marcus' Old School Jam of the Week #11 : Don't Leave Me by Blackstreet

Originally posted May 12th, 2009

Oh crap. I'm late again, aren't I? Forgive me, I was on a boat and at an endless supply of events in which I was required to wear dress shoes all weekend. But the important thing is, this OSJOTW (it took me this long to acronym that ish up? It looks like some type of Norwegian candy) is in honor of my sister's BIRTHDAY! I broke all my rules and took a request in honor of her greatness. Lucky for me, and us all really, she chose one I was bound to feature anyway. We all know No Diggity, but do we all know "Don't Leave Me?" If you're cool you do. Blackstreet>Backstreet, btw.




Things to Note:

*First off, can we just clutch our pearls and sigh a little at that Vh1 logo? Dare I say vintage? If I see the old "Back 2 Back" logo I might just start a candlelight vigil.

* Hey, listen! A talk box! As much as I love the instrument and still hold out hope that one day I will have one in all its tubular glory, I still find it quite funny when artists lip sync to them without irony as if we all don't notice that they're making noises not humanly possible. Robots are as right as rain. In a perfect world.

* All white outfits are the cornerstone of 90s R&B. Those and that water drippy noise in that one Boyz II Men song. Without them, I doubt we would have ever advanced as a collective society. I particularly like the dance move being done in them at 20 seconds. I will try the twirl and hesitant push next time there is a rug to cut.

* Contrary to what you may have heard from her in the third grade, the boys of Blackstreet are NOT Megan's adopted brothers. At least not all 4 of them.

* I feel like "Ghost in the Mixing Room" could have been a good "Goosebumps" title.

* Remember that newspaper ad the Spice Girls answered to get into the group? I feel like a similar ad for a 90s male R&B group would have had the following questions
1. Can you harmonize?
2. Can you feel comfortable wearing oversized denim jackets?
3. Can you convincingly pine over a photo of a lost loved one?
If you say yes to all three, we will be in contact.

* I always thought the shift from slightly boring studio scenes to an elaborate polaroid tower was a bit abrupt. They wisely wait until the harmonica solo to release its fully glory.


* On that note, I'm glad this concept was done now. If it were done today it would probably be a tower of iPhones or BluRay cases.

* I count more than 4 people helping build this thing. Is there slave labor? Why no mention of the lives surely lost in the collapse? They made a wonderful effigy of love and I think they should be recognized. I mean, we know from 3:15 that it was a rough pursuit to the top.

Pictures last forever, and so does Blackstreet. Except when they did that song with Janet Jackson.

Marcus' Old School Jam of the Week #10 - Right Here by SWV

Originally posted May 1st, 2009

Sometimes I wish there was a way to capitalize numbers because I surely would have put some emphasis on TEN. It's our anniversary! Maybe it isn't 1000 episodes like Ellen just had today, but gosh dangit, I'm proud. To honor this not-so-big-but-sorta-big-anyway occasion, I am going back to my roots and once again featuring SWV. Sorry everyone, but for me they are R&B royalty and have about 12 videos I want to feature at some point and will probably just make every tenth milestone one by them. I feel it is my duty to indoctrinate the world to the sounds of SWV, because in a land without musical snobbery and "sure-thing" selections, SWV would totally be my favorite girl group of all time (SUCK IT SUPREMES). Let's watch!



Things to Note:

* The Opening Scene: So...much...happening. Was someone called Teeroni? Is that a nickname I could have been calling Taj all these years? Whoever says "sing it to 'em Coko" clearly has stolen Beyonce's speaking voice, and I believe Taj is the one wearing a hat with a PROPELLER on it. Also, what was one of them doing on the ground? Marbles? Jacks? Picking at an ant hill with a stick? I NEED TO KNOW

*HAHAHA at :18. What does one do at a SWV traffic sign? Maybe it's like those signs that warn you when there's a deaf child in the area or a deer crossing area: "Warning! Watch out for dancing women in oversized hockey and baseball jerseys with bustier bras?" Or maybe it just means "stop and be awesome"

* Ooh, Coko. That leg raise over the motorcycle at :30 seconds surely could have been a bit more ladylike. It's like a Nenah Cherry Buffalo Stance (note to self: make that a jam)

* I love the expressions of pure wonderment and awe when they are looking at the moving photos being developed. It is the same look I had when I saw their hair in that scene.

* I still haven't figured out if they are singing into a broken mirror or a bunch of spiderwebs throughout this thing (like at :34)



*HAHA at :55 seconds! Really, no words. Except thank you Lord.

* There is a very tender moment involving a cookie. I like that it is clearly presented to the camera and that her man clearly finds nothing strange about being tapped on the shoulder by a woman with a cookie in her mouth. I know I wouldn't.


* I like that during the scene with the telescope, someone off camera clearly hit the patio lights with their hand. Probably while doing the same dance move seen at 55 seconds.

*Am I wrong when saying that Taj looks totally cute at 2:26? Somehow the jagged bang ponytail and the circus tent overalls are working in a major way. Her rap is also amazing. Plus, she is killing them on Survivor right now. Unless some horrible unforeseen blindside happens, there is no way she's not making the final four.

*OMG Pause it at :40 seconds and realize that there is a leg sticking straight up in the air in the background. What's happening!?!

*The mildly terrifying moment at 3:00 when all the members are back to the expressionless lip syncing with faces so dead you feel as if they will surely be coming for your soul. You see!? They toasted for your blood.

*No, I really don't get the part with the girl and the lamp either. I fail to see where that moment is reprised anywhere else in the video. But who cares!? YELLOW SNEAKERS!

This entry really didn't amount to anything more than me just poking my finger at different scenes. Sometimes videos speak for themselves. And no, just because I featured this one does not mean I won't someday feature the Human Nature Remix of the song. It has a Michael Jackson sample and a video where they stumble around some rocks in riding clothes with a band behind them. SHOCKINGLY QUITE INSPIRED.

Marcus' Old School Jam of the Week #9: Lately by Divine

Originally posted April 24th, 2009

The Tony Rich Project left us all heart-broken, desolate and lost the way we all so often get. I'm afraid this week's jam probably won't lift your spirits that much more, but it does do it in a way that's undeniably a bit more summer-y. I'm sure you all remember Divine, a group that sadly only had one hit song in 1998. Their faces may not have been memorable any more than the members of Allure's may have been, but their song certainly was. The power of love is here and it is being channeled through "Lately."



Things to Note:

* OMGEEZY the bayou! Bayous are my favorite! Halfway through the video I noticed the YouTube description says it was inspired by Eve's Bayou which is totally one of my favorite movies ever. If you're ever interested in seeing Samuel L. Jackson play something besides a parody of himself, I suggest you Netflix that shiz this instant. Anyways, I think the video could have used some voodoo, but then again, I love a cliche.

*So the outfits. Yeah I know. I mean, they aren't sheer shirt bad, but they're pretty bad nonetheless. Pageboy hats, baggy overalls, feather boas, ties, butterfly hair clips, white gloves and bucket hats all make appearances in such a short amount of time. It reminds me of those "Barbie Closet" video games where you make an outfit for Barbie out of a virtual closet and it all ends up going to hell because the rule about taking off the last accessory you added or any sense of modesty has no place within computerized wardrobes.

*ANECDOTE TIME! So the girl has the side buns happening. That's cool I guess. But it reminds me of a hilarious thing that happened to me on campus this week. Right as I was going down the stairs at Northrop, a girl was meeting her boyfriend and had hair just like that. She greeted him with a joking "Sup playa!" and he responded "Sup Scary Spice" on account of her hair. I had no other choice but to laugh because it was dead on. She responded with a "Scary Spice? Really!?" and the guy, noticing my chuckle, points at me and goes "He liked it!" to which I turned my head back and said "He did get you." Laughs were had and people proved to be wonderful.

* So, um, did I do this choreography or something? It's slightly below "Little girls in their bedrooms" quality. Hand on heart, side to side, sway the arms, bob the knees and we're done! I admire the brevity as much as I admire the flower hair wreaths, which is to say A LOT.

*The little love story is beautiful for the sole reason that parts involve children running in black and white. AUTOMATICALLY TOUCHING. There doesn't seem to be much of a plot that I see, other than that they are separated at some point, but part of it takes place at a plantation so I am pleased beyond reasonable capacity.

* If they own a plantation and a gin house of some sorts, why does he drive away in a station wagon?

* Does anyone else think that Charlize/Keanu movie "Sweet November" got its name from this song? I know I do. Not to be confused with "Autumn in New York." BOTH MASTERPIECES.

* When I listen to this song on Last.fm, I sadly get a picture of Divine of "Pink Flamingos" fame instead of a photo of the group. I really don't think any of the members of this group were overweight drag queens who ate dog poo on camera. But then again, I don't know a lot about this group.

* This song is brilliant because every single verse sounds like it could be the song's climax. When the actual bridge hits though, it chooses to go subtle and fragile with harmonies instead of with a full on glory note, leading to the best acappella chorus in history or at least of what I can think of at this moment. LITERALLY QUITE AMAZING.

*The picnic scene at 3:26 and then the cut right after it is honestly one of my favorite music video moments ever. I don't know why, but it so strange to me. Out of nowhere it feels like a Spanish-language soap opera. Watch it 12 times like me for full effect.

I'll leave it someone else to make a mean comment about the gap tooth.



This picture is squished. Just like my heart.

Marcus' Old School Jam of the Week #8 - Nobody Knows by The Tony Rich Project

Originally posted April 20th, 2009

Apologies for there being no jam to get you through the weekend. Friday's internet connection was wonky, and I was only able to connect long enough to find out about Beyonce tour dates and then freak out over it over Twitter. Claire informs me that it will just be like an double eviction week of "Big Brother," except instead of booting fame-hungry d-bags, I'll be moving in two new tenants to Marcus' House of....Love? Get on with it! Tony Rich Project! Remember them/him!?



Things to Note:

*First impression: Public Restrooms and urinals are clearly universal symbols for lost love. I don't know why I didn't realize it until now. With each drop of that leaky faucet, there is one less reason for Mr. Rich to live. His heart is leaking people. And no amount of urinal cakes or pacing is going to help.

*So at :45 seconds he is on a bike. He is shirtless, wearing red pants, and if my memory serves me right, also a bucket hat (oh shoot, that was just wishful thinking.) The low angle also makes it look like that bike is two or seven sizes too small for his legs. On that note, how do they measure bike size anyway? Regardless, I assumed the random fit of street circling would play into his story of lost love, but alas, no such thing.

* Can we speak for a minute about that sheer green shirt at 1:08. I know you probably wouldn't like to, but it has to be addressed. So what's up with that? I remember being embarrassed for him even when I was watching this in the third grade, and I had a pair of lime green denim shorts at that time people.

* At 1:27, the look on his face is very uncomfortable. Maybe it's because of the shirt and the strange way it makes the top of his pant line oddly noticeable and oddly high seeming. "It can't get much worse" is what he must be thinking in this moment. "How did I get here!?"

* @1:30 OH GOD NO. This shirt is black, form fitting, and more importantly, sheer once again! The humanity. I was not aware Urban singer-songwriters were hoarding International Male catalogues at this time. This is clearly a woman to be pining over if she can stand to be seen next to this man in public.

* Hmm, he's in a tub at 2:15. That's strange. Oh, it's a memory. I get it. I wish it had been the fluffy pink cotton candy bubble bath that Toni Braxton had in that one video that I am sure to feature in a few month's time. Either way, the floor by it looks repulsive and bathing in what appears to be a tool shed seems in opposition to cleanliness. But there is love.

* If love means having matching suits like at 3:22, then I don't know anyone who has found love yet.

* The move he does at 2:54 kind of makes me want him to be alone forever. But I can't be that cruel. I don't know what the hell kind of moves I would attempt in my first music video. I'm sure it at least felt right in the moment.

* It would take a man of stone not to laugh at the abundance of seagulls flanking his head at 3:39.

* It's easy to take pot shots here, especially considering this video is oddly ripe with laughable moments for being so low concept and melancholy, but this is undeniably a really wonderful and well written song. The best bits are obviously the parts about jigsaw puzzles being torn apart and hitting dusty roads.

* It's also easy to make a joke about the video ending with Rich "in the crapper," seemingly like his career, but Wikipedia tells me he is still active and recording as recently as 2008. So good for you Tony Rich. I liked your CD and if I recall, there was a song about a mountain goat. Or at least one that used a mountain goat as a metaphor for a theme I wasn't picking up on at age 9.

* I repeat. This is not Babyface.

Marcus' Old School Jam of the Week #7 - Don't Let Go (Love) by En Vogue

Originally posted April 10th, 2009

Friday already? I decided to finally get around to featuring En Vogue today because I'm super excited about all the news I've been reading about their reunion. In fact, just this week the group, together for the first time since 1997, performed a medley of their hits at the Trumpet Awards. Whatever those are. The point is: THEY'RE BACK. I don't know if they plan on recording again, but just for a second, I felt like the world could go on spinning again. Usually I like to pick a song that's a big more obscure for the chosen artist, but I'm really in no position to deprive anyone of the monster smash "Don't Let Go (Love)"

En Vogue - Don't Let Go
Uploaded by kaz1988. - Music videos, artist interviews, concerts and more.

Things to Note:
* How do I get to this party? It looks like it came out of a Sky Vodka ad.

* I am hypnotized by Mekhi Phiefer's shiny purple vest. It's telling me secrets.

* I remember loving this song in third grade (I'm telling you, the best year of life) and switching the channel back and forth whenever the video was on with a parent around. I was not willing to miss the song, but every time it flashed to one of the steamy scenes, I would go one channel down to CMT and then back on up to Vh1 in a few seconds. I also remember I bought this CD the first day of Summer Friendship Connection and carried around with me for some reason despite the absence of a CD player or any person willing to play it for a group of 7 to 11 year olds.

* Holy black lipstick!!! Dawn is killing them. Seriously. I don't care if she's the one who went and left for Lucy Pearl. She was always the best. And really, what chance did Lucy Pearl ever have? Outcasts from En Vogue, Tony Toni Tone and A Tribe Called Quest? If they were difficult in their own groups, how the hell were they going to work together?

* While I may be in the minority that likes the black lipstick (IT WAS A TIME PEOPLE!!!), I am not in favor of the trashy lip lick at :22 that makes the normally gorgeous Dawn momentarily look like Tiffany "New York" Pollard from Flavor of Love

* Cindy really has a big head. It's not just the afro-esque thing. It's just a giant head. I also always thought she came off pretty crazy and ditzy in this video. It could be that she sort of looks like Hilary from Fresh Prince, but there are also scenes of her (like at 2:22) where I think she has truly lost it.

* You know, whether it was the 60s girl group stuff in their earliest videos, or the House of Fashion aping "Free Your Mind" video, En Vogue always were the LADIES of 90s girl groups. TLC and SWV were big into the tomboy thing, but En Vogue always looked pretty. They also shared singing better than the others too. Everyone has a killer ad-lib section in this song (Maxine's being the most memorable).

*Some YouTube Comment Highlights (I didn't use the video though since the quality sucked and only had the version with clips from "Set it Off":

**** "i love this song!! i heard it when we were up in our 7th floor of our palestinian refugee camp at shatila in beruit lebanon. we blasted it!! it was on bbc music. this song rules and we saw the movie after the fact."

**** "daaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn this ma shit!!!! " (okay this one was actually mine. Just kidding)


* You think the guy would be more nervous that 4 women he'd been with are all together in black leather and heels pointing directly at him.

* If I'm going to argue they were the classy group of the 90s, I'm going to have to defend the make-out scenes. Ok, they're not great. But it's the difference between making out in a Rolls Royce compared to a Chevy Impala. Or a giant walk-in closet compared to a storage room. Do you see the distinction!?!

* Maxine's "righttttt......TA" at 3:16 is life changing.

* It's nice that they clap for them

I'll leave it to Claire to find some more interesting screen cap moments. And instead of a picture from the video, I'm going to show you a very recent photo of the group so that you can all be as weirded out as I am about how they seem to look like they are aging backwards

Marcus' Old School Jam of the Week #6 - Return of the Mack by Mark Morrison

Originally posted April 3rd, 2009

Let me preface this one by saying the video isn't THAT exciting. There aren't any rings of fire, light up floors or distracting seagulls in this one. Instead, the only really notable thing about the video is that I think the whole grimy British street look predates Guy Ritchie, but most likely not someone else Ritchie probably ripped off. Anyways, the reason this song gets a coveted jam spot is because it is quite simply amazing. If I were a DJ (god-willing?) I'd still be playing this one and people would dance because we are only human and not just beautiful robots.

I present..>THE RETURN.....of the Mack.



Things to Note:

* What's that you say!? He's driving on the wrong side of the road!? WRONG. Mr. Morrison is British. In fact, he is the first black British male solo artist to hit number one in the UK. So good for him, because I can't really think of that many others who fit that specific distinction. Good job...you beat Seal.

*So much gold jewelry. So much teeth whitening. So much black leather. SO MUCH JOY.

*A snake. COOOOOOOOL. (1:43, among other places)

*Mark Morrison, in addition to being a precursor to Akon (thanks a lot), is also hilariously adept at failing at life. There's been a lot of jail time and the like (stabbing I believe), but the best was from when he paid someone else to do his community service for him while he fled to Barbados. Winner.

*I laugh every time I hear the "Oh My God" part of the chorus. Without a doubt some of the best few seconds of human artistic creation. The UK should think of incorporating it into "God Save the Queen."

*YouTube Comment Highlights:
a) Good beat mack.
RIP wherever legends live

b)this song is about 9/11 never forget

* The trend so far in these clips is that I tend to yearn for furniture included in the videos. This go-round, I'm hankering for that fancy brown leather desk chair. I bet it is from Drexel Heritage and I bet Morrison eventually had to sell it to keep on living.

*During the second chorus he either says "Oh Little Girl...what's my prize" or "Oh Little Girl...wants my pearl." Make of that what you will. I certainly haven't.

*I like seeing these "promo only" screens. They make me feel like I'm watching a video on a Foot Locker television or on The Box.

*I ask you kindly not to burn down my house since this is going to be in your head until mid-June.

So what do you all think? Is the Mack gunning for a second return? Let us pray.

Marcus' Old School Jam of the Week #5 - Four Page Letter by Aaliayh

Originally posted March 27th, 2009

It was only obvious that Aaliyah would eventually make an appearance here, however, I've selected a song that was probably among her least known singles. "4 Page Letter" is the song that got me to buy the "One In A Million" album back in 1997 (which as far as I'm concerned, was the best year ever). As far I'm concerned, this is a slow jam that will slow down a mix of slow jams. I also think this song doesn't even sound a year old, let alone over a decade. Plus, I was pretty intoxicated by this strange-ass video too. Seriously, 12 years later and I still don't know what's going on....



Things to Note:

* What we appear to have is "Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome" meets "Land of the Lost" with a little bit of "At Play in the Fields of the Lord." There's obviously a syndicated series in this.

*When I was a wee lad listening to this song, I thought the gradual volume increase (longer on the album version) at the beginning was the single greatest musical innovation of all time. My feelings have not changed people! It was fun starting it out at a near silent level and then having it eventually become audible. AMAZING.

* I hate to speak of our dearly departed Aaliyah this way, but around the minute mark, she's clearly a bit of a creeper.

*Ladies, why aren't you all wearing suede belly shirts with single arm fringe? Bring it back...or there to begin with?

*Speaking of belly shirts, people credit Britney with the whole teen navel-gazing trend, but Aaliyah was clearly doing it first. Of course, no one noticed because Aaliyah never looked like a ho. In fact, balancing overt sexiness (see: the extensive amount of hip-rolling) with her coy innocence and angelic cooing eventually became her trademark. It's the very reason why a quickie teenage marriage to R.Kelly didn't destroy her.

* I find it a bit odd that a song about written communication takes place within a community that only appears to interact by hip-hop pow-wows.

*I think there may be a time travel/flashback aspect to this, but with motorcycles, chains, caged men, neon signs and magically appearing fire, I'm a bit too distracted to notice.

*Somehow that fire ring scene, despite a greased up male and Aaliyah in a silver spacesuit, emerges as one of the sweetest scenes in music video history. In the future there will be: courting dances!

*I think it would have been funny if the little kids of the village were playing marbles in a ring adjacent to the one on fire.

WOOOO

Marcus' Old School Jam of the Week #4: The First Night by Monica

Originally posted March 21st, 2009

This week's song is a song that I kind of forgot existed. But 10 years later, I was happy to discover that it in fact WAS something. Perhaps it's a bit strange to make this of all songs the first actual up-tempo to be featured, but there is something very charming about its repeated choruses and over-strained bridge that makes me little 90s heart smile. Let's take a look at Monica's "The First Night." And if you were looking for a Bugs Bunny cameo, I can kindly direct you to the "For You I Will" video



Things to Note:

*Usually I hate an obvious sample, but there is something borderline brilliant about Monica turning a song as sex-drenched as "Love Hangover" into a song about maintaining hormonal urges. In a way, it's as if she (or more certainly, her producers) knew those infamous piano strikes would automatically cause dramatic tension when put against the lyrics. But then again, I've always read to much into my pop songs.

*Where exactly are they? Is this what teenagers did in the late 90s? Most likely take their parent's Beamers out to the Valley on Friday nights to hang out in locations that can only be described as if they came out of some unholy combination of You Got Served and All About Eve? I don't know about you, but when I was in high school, we hung out in people's basements and the floors most certainly did not light up.

* At 1:48, the video kind of turns into Fiona Apple's "Criminal" video for about 20 seconds, what with it's off center pans and morning after vibe. Also, I want that couch with every fiber of my being.

*There is a very tender moment involving opera glasses.

*I feel kind of sick that seeing a single rose automatically makes me think of The Bachelor now. And then I remember that no matter how lovely Monica looks (and she looks quite lovely here), she probably wouldn't get past the second episode of that show since the Bachelor hates black people.

*I'm also confused by the large gold tube that sticks into every frame with Monica and her love interest. I keep thinking it is giant tube of wrapping paper that is resting on the couch with them, and then I wonder if that's supposed to be symbolic of some sort of "ultimate gift" that Monica has yet to make available to her boyfriend. That or the set decorator got a little overzealous.

*The dance routine scenes pretty much look like one of those old Gap ads where everyone was dancing to West Side Story or sitting in a room and lip syncing "Mello Yellow." There's an obvious slogan behind all this..."Gap: Chaste in Khaki."

Marcus' Old School Jam of the Week #3: I Want To Be Your Man by Roger

Originally posted March 13th, 2009

Today's old school jam is a bit older than usual. It's from 1987, and while this column (?) will mainly focus on 90s R&B, I simply can not leave out the masterpiece that is this song. I would be lying if I didn't say this was potentially my favorite song of all time. I know its cheesy, I know the lyrics are pretty simple and whatnot, but if you measured favorite song by the pure amount of joy it gives, this would be off the scales. It is impossible for me to hear it without getting a little unreasonably excited. Enjoy the magic....

http://new.music.yahoo.com/Roger/videos/view/I-Want-To-Be-Your-Man--157421061

Things to Note:

* I seriously need a talk box. I've become obsessed with getting one (btw: retail around $150) so that I can sit on the couch and turn every single song in my iTunes into voice warped brilliance. I would also greet anyone who entered the room with a funk-ay "XX is in the house...baby...baby...baby

" and everyone would love me and there would be no more wars.

* There are about 50 parts in this song where one would naturally say "Hold on...I love this part!!" My favorite is obviously the "I tried I tried I tried I tried" part in the third verse. For good reason too.

* I don't know my 80s urban haircuts THAT well, but I believe what we have here is a Jheri Curl. And a pretty amazing one at that. Almost as good as the kid from Family Matters that was on like every 5 episodes. It could be an S-Curl. I pretend to know all of them



* I like every scene where there are three Rogers playing at once, as seen at 1:13. If you look closely, you will see the middle stage kind of bobs up and down and side to side, which I can only imagine is from really poorly done superimposition. Amazing.

* I would pay a good amount of money ($2.45) for the clothes he is wearing. Marie described his whole pocket sized swagger as bootleg Prince. I could not say it better myself.

* @1:20. My stars!! Is that bootleg Grace Jones!?

* The few, hilarious shots of things that aren't in the room. There is a random scene of a crosswalk near the beginning. Even better, at 2:59, they show a neon sign that says "Girls" as Roger sings the same word. If the camera panned out a bit I think the word above it would say "Live" and the one below would say "Revue." I appreciate the sudden attempt at being literal though.

* 2:48. My god. 2:48.

* A splashing water motif would have been puzzling enough, but then they have to show that it's coming from a rain gutter. And the introducing shot at :14 makes it look like Roger was drinking from it. I'm so confused. Still, the splashing water effect is pretty cool. In fact, Rihanna would use it 20 years later in her video for "Umbrella." Perhaps you should thank Roger, Rihanna. I do every day.

*Wooo a Captain's outfit for some reason!

*Naturally it ends with some neck rolls.

We miss you Roger.

Marcus' Old School Jam of the Week #2: On Bended Knee by Boyz II Men

Originally posted March 6th, 2009

Oh we all knew it was coming. Boyz II Men were R&B royalty back in the day. I'm certain that you are all missing them, despite the fact they are still out there somewhere making Temptations tribute albums and wishing men would act like men again~. I sincerely doubt Day 26 or whatever other faceless group of guys is currently out there is fulfilling your quota for dramatic love ballads. I challenge you not to give into the jaw-trembling power of "On Bended Knee"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8giTjtNX3qk

~please note that Michael left the group because of scoliosis. That makes me feel old.

Things to Note:
* The wa-oo-wa noise at :31 completely sums up 90s R&B in less than a second. It's over. The whole sub-genre is defined by one watery drip-drop noise. You will not be able to find me a sound effect more exemplary of the time.

* The girl in the opening scene kinda sounds like Stacey Dash from Clueless and that is making me even more nostalgic.

* I like that all the members of the group look like they belong as faculty at a middle school. One would teach History, one would teach Math, one would coach the basketball team, and the other would direct the choir. I will leave it to you to assign them those roles, but it is as obvious as you think.

*I don't know why Shawn is wearing that towering white hat in some scenes. He must not be aware of his extensive ganglitude, which is phrase I coined earlier this week.

*I also keep forgetting how hilarious it is that they have a spoken interlude in almost every song. I shouldn't laugh, since he gets the best looking girl in the video, even if his painting makes her look vaguely Latoya Jackson-esque.

*That final pose means serious business.

*There is a very tender moment involving a trumpet and a glass of iced tea.

I think we all cried a little bit today.

Marcus' Old School Jam of the Week #1: Downtown by SWV

Originally posted February 27th, 2009.

Man, I have been missing 90s R&B these days. The whole electro meets R&B thing was fun for a while, but I've apparently reached the stage in my life where I start griping about the good old days. Therefore, I give you SWV's Downtown...

http://www.spike.com/video/swv-downtown/2787891 (Sorry. Youtube has since taken down the version I originally used and this is the only place I could find the one with the seagulls.)

Things to Note:
*Oh my god the nails
* They're wearing oversized jerseys. Ah, remember when people were shooting each other over Starter Jackets?
* Color assignments!
* The fact the corner of Lelee's towel is partially submerged in water
* The hilarious moment around 58 seconds when Taj gets distracted in the background and starts looking at seagulls.
* General amazingness, albeit, a pretty racy subject matter.