It's taken a bit of time to process the sudden death of Michael Jackson. Like nearly everyone else in the world, I've found myself unexpectedly shaken in the wake of of his passing, at once surprised by my own veritable grief and by the realization that this was a man whom I always loved and that I wasn't even aware of it. Even though I was born well after the height of Thriller and well into a tabloid culture that was more than willing to paint him as a sideshow freak (whoever made up the rumor about him wanting to purchase the Elephant Man's bones must have been painfully self-aware), Michael's videos, music, and yes, even his public eccentricities were always very much a part of my childhood. Whether it was standing just inches away from the TV screen when the bizarrely controversial "Black or White" video premiered, or just listening to "Human Nature" on hours of repeat while playing video games in my room, Michael was always there and I was happy to have him, even if I didn't know it at the time. Now he's gone, and it's painfully clear. To say it's cliche that a little piece of childhood died along with him on June 25th is correct, however it's easy to forget how much of a fixture he was in the press during my formative pop-culture gathering years. That the world can keep on going without our de jure King of Entertainment isn't as much sad as it is completely jarring.
What ended up being Michael's twilight years were undoubtably marked in sadness. As obnoxiously tempting as it is to play armchair psychologist with Michael's own neurosis and personality quirks, it is nearly impossible not to, especially as his entire life was played out in front of the world's largest microscope. I really thought about his life the day after he passed while walking home from worked and I was moved to tears when I really thought about how I couldn't think of how any other person could be more alone than he must have felt for the majority of his life. To attain the level of stardom that he had meant that he existed on a plane that was unfathomable to even those alongside him in Hollywood - that his fame and his own changing appearance started propelling him into a realm that no longer had any semblance to anything tangible or concrete. Our own ability to poke fun at him without remorse, even as his life got worse and worse, arose from the fact that it was difficult to even look at him as human.
Since his passing, that's all changed. While much of his life will remain cloudy and difficult to understand or to begin justifying, we're finally starting to see him as the deeply wounded man he was. Not just as the unequivocal entertainer for now and forever, but as a caring father, a loving brother, a purveyor of human rights, and as a damaged and wandering soul always in search of the very reckless abandon that evaded him his entire life. That we, or maybe just me, didn't see it all along when it was so clearly stated in his lyrics - particularly in the righteous anger and wounded self-reflection of the woefully underappreciated "HIStory" - is beyond me. Whether he was heartbreakingly asking that "before you judge me, try hard to love me" on "Childhood" or simply asking if he'd have a friend on "Will You Be There," Michael always had his heart on his sleeve, displaying an almost shocking amount of vulnerability for a man who must have known his words would be twisted, mocked and dismissed almost instantly.
Early on I had selected "Remember the Time" as the video I wanted to highlight here, as it was the song most fitting with the genre I've featured in these notes. However, the more I listened to "Stranger in Moscow," arguably the finest song of Jackson's career, I decided it was the most appropriate, and the most fitting to sum up his entire career. Jackson's life was the modern American Tragedy. That a man as sincere and delicate as he was could reach an unthinkable level of success, world recognition and adoration and yet still feel completely alone and unloved and justifiably attacked, is too upsetting for words. I really wish he knew how much so many of us loved him. We were there all along and sadly it took us losing him for us to understand that.
Gone Too Soon
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfZz-q8CRLE
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